


with every heartbeat i have left (i'll defend your every breath)

by aletterinthenameofsanity



Series: if this love is pain (then darling let's love tonight) [2]
Category: WTFock | Skam (Belgium)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, F/M, FOUND FAMILY BITCHES, Happy Ending, Healing, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, M/M, POV Milan, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Recovery, Referenced Gay Bashing, THE FIVE OF THEM ARE A FAMILY AND NO ONE CAN CONVINCE ME OTHERWISE, at least i assume?, but as least have this, no beta we die like men, not technically now but whatever, so like canon will hate me next week
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-21
Updated: 2019-11-21
Packaged: 2021-02-18 10:42:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,865
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21509740
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aletterinthenameofsanity/pseuds/aletterinthenameofsanity
Summary: There are a lot of things that Milan knows that he didn’t mean to, a lot of stories he accidentally learned about these kids that break his heart.Like the fact that Sander gets rather bad nightmares. Once, Milan had been on his way to the fridge to grab his usual midnight snack and the door to the boys’ room had been cracked open- through the crack, he’d seen Robbe holding Sander in his arms, whispering to him that everything was okay. The next night, when he’d gone to grab a snack, it had been Sander holding Robbe, running his fingers through Robbe’s hair.He'd walked into the apartment a couple of days ago and saw Zoe staring at the envelope in her hand, lips pursed, as if she’d been revisiting the issue. As if she might be rethinking her decision not to testify. Her expression had been something in between broken and determined, and he hadn’t stopped to say anything.That’s a lesson he’s had to learn about all of this. That there are some things he can help with, and some things he cannot.In the meantime, he’s so glad that Sander and Robbe have each other, and that Zoe has Senne. That they all have each other, at the end of the day, and that they have him.(Welcome to the flat.)
Relationships: Milan Hendrickx & Everyone, Robbe Ijzermans/Sander Driesen, Zoë Loockx/Senne De Smet
Series: if this love is pain (then darling let's love tonight) [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1550230
Comments: 10
Kudos: 232
Collections: Skam Belgium (Wtfock) ▶ Sander Driesen / Robbe Ijzermans





	with every heartbeat i have left (i'll defend your every breath)

**Author's Note:**

> Title is from "Light" by Sleeping At Last, which is my go-to song for found family parent-figures.
> 
> So I was going to work on my paper for Art History but this plot bunny/sequel idea was stuck in my head and so, well, now you guys can have it. I needed a bit of closure for my other fic and this isn't as pretty/metaphor-laden as the other one but it accomplishes my personal storytelling/found family needs so y'all can have it anyway.
> 
> Also, I wrote nearly this entire thing listening to "The Joke" by Brandi Carlile, one of my favorite songs, if y'all want a music recommendation.

_You're feeling nervous, aren't you, boy?_

_With your quiet voice and impeccable style_

_Don't ever let them steal your joy_

_And your gentle ways, to keep 'em from running wild_

_They can kick dirt in your face_

_Dress you down, and tell you that your place_

_Is in the middle, when they hate the way you shine_

_I see you tugging on your shirt_

_Trying to hide inside of it and hide how much it hurts_

_I have been to the movies, I've seen how it ends_

_And the joke's on them_

**_-Brandi Carlile,_ The Joke**

Getting Sander settled in doesn’t actually take that long. It only takes a few days for Milan to get used to seeing an extra toothbrush on the bathroom counter, an extra plate for dinner when they all can eat together, a leather jacket on the coat rack, an extra pair of shoes by the door.

Sander doesn’t really take up much room, sleeping in the bed with Robbe and keeping all of his stuff- his pitiful, tiny bag of stuff that makes Milan’s heart ache- in the room with them.

When it comes to sharing a bed, Milan isn’t too worried about the boys having sex. In fact, it’s one of the last priorities on his mind, what with everything going on. If they want to have sex, as long as they’re being safe- well, he can’t exactly blame them for wanting to find comfort in each other.

(And besides, sharing a bed can do a lot of psychological good in terms of cuddling and physical comfort contact, which both boys are missing a lot of.)

There are much worse things happening right now than a bit of consensual sex between two boys who love each other.

Right now, Milan has three kids to take care of, and boy, are they all going through the worst possible things at once.

It hurts to see what these three kids have had to go through. No one deserves to be sexually assaulted. No one deserves to be abused by a system that was supposed to protect them. No one deserves to be gay-bashed.

He wants to do everything possible to help them, to make them feel better, to alleviate their stresses and traumas.

The problem is, of course, that his three kids have no idea how to take care of themselves. Yeah, they’re getting a bit better at it, but they still fail a lot of the time.

Sander, for example. He barely eats anything, and only really takes what’s offered. Milan doesn’t know if it’s some misplaced sense of guilt or what, but it becomes rather clear quite quickly that he’s not getting enough nutrients to heal properly.

Robbe and Zoe, however, take care of that issue by making sure to scoop enough food onto Sander’s plate for meals, and he’s slowly getting healthier. He’s taking the painkillers that Robbe’s been taking and just generally looking less pale and sallow.

Zoe, next, still hasn’t gone to the police or responded to the letter from the court or anything. She’s barely talking about it, barely thinking about it.

But that’s where Senne comes in. The day after their fight over the letter, Senne and Zoe had set down at the table and Senne had said that though he thought Zoe should go to the police (a position Milan still fully supports), he was going to support her whatever she decided.

And then Robbe, the youngest one, the smallest one, the one that is so quiet and so angry and so, so strong, stronger than he has to be, still has trouble standing up for himself and making his own decisions. Too often he lets things sink in without fighting them until they boil over into a fucking mess.

But that’s what therapy is for, Milan supposes, though he’s not exactly supposed to know about that fact. Not yet, at least.

There are a lot of things that Milan knows that he didn’t mean to, a lot of stories he accidentally learned about these kids that break his heart.

Like the fact that Sander gets rather bad nightmares, comparable to Robbe’s. Milan knows that one since he’d been on his way to the fridge to grab his usual midnight snack and the door to the boys’ room had been cracked open- through the crack, he’d seen Robbe holding Sander in his arms, whispering to him that everything was okay. The next night, when he’d gone to grab a snack, it had been Sander holding Robbe, running his fingers through Robbe’s hair.

Or the fact that Robbe started therapy, last week. Milan knows  _ that _ one because Robbe left a note for Sander on the bathroom counter telling him that he wouldn’t be able to meet him right after their respective schools got out because of the appointment.

And as for Zoe- he walked into the apartment a couple of days ago and saw her staring at the envelope in her hand, lips pursed, as if she’d been revisiting the issue. As if she might be rethinking her decision not to testify. Her expression had been something in between broken and determined, and he hadn’t stopped to say anything.

That’s a lesson he’s had to learn about all of this. That there are some things he can help with, and some things he cannot. There are some things that his kids have to handle on their own, and some things they can help each other handle, too.

In the meantime, he’s so glad that Sander and Robbe have each other, and that Zoe has Senne. That they all have each other, at the end of the day, and that they have him.

-

Milan should have realized, though, that this peaceful little contentment was going to hit a breaking point, what with all of these secrets floating around.

-

Things break about a week and a half into Sander living with them. 

They’re all gathered in the kitchen with its three-seater table and the counter. Zoe, Senne, and Milan are seated at the table while the boys lean against the counter, plates of food in hand. They’re talking about everything and nothing, a comfortable sort of conversation that has everyone, even the newcomer in Sander, at ease. Milan is happy to see the two young couples so happy and well-adjusted, with Zoe leaning in to give Senne a peck on the cheek while the two boys stand next to each other, shoulders bumping, fond smiles on their faces when they look at each other.

It’s almost like a family, of sorts. A found family, beautiful in its broken parts, of people who have found comfort in each other.

Too bad it implodes as quickly and as easily as it formed.

“So,” Senne asks at dinner that night, voice gentle as he speaks to Zoe, “You reconsidered going to the police?”

He doesn’t mean it as rude, Milan can tell- he’s honestly just trying to help Zoe. Trying to talk to her. Keep updated on her situation.

But at the counter Sander flinches, hand darting to Robbe’s arm for just a moment, and Milan is instantly wary of where this conversation might be headed.

“The police aren’t really that effective,” Sander says quietly, and Senne glances over, something hard in his face.

“Alright, man,” Senne says, voice a bit harsh. “They can do a lot of good. They can stop monsters from hurting other victims.”

Robbe’s gaze flickers to Sander, to the bruise yellowing under his eye, and something clicks for Milan.

“Sander,” Milan says, setting down his fork, “Senne has a rather good point.”

“It’s just-” Sander’s words stutter a bit, as they have a tendency to do when he’s upset. “They don’t really-” He looks to Robbe, who gives him a somewhat reassuring smile that has Sander’s shoulders relaxing by just a little.

“Why don’t you think Zoe should go to the police, Sander?” Senne asks, pushing harder than Milan world, and Sander freezes, glancing to Milan and then to Robbe, who leans in and presses a tender kiss to Sander’s cheek, quiet and soft.

“They didn’t really do a lot of good in the past, alright?” Sander says, voice a bit fragile. Milan watches as Robbe rests his head on Sander’s shoulder, almost as if providing a bit of comfort and support, and it makes Milan  _ ache _ , the things that these boys have to comfort each other through, the pain that neither of them ever should have had to go through.

But he  _ also _ notices a bit of a shift in the tension in the room, and he recognizes the way that Zoe’s expression is starting to change. This conversation is barreling head first towards a rather painful, awkward place that Milan isn’t sure he wants it to go.

See, Robbe and Sander hadn’t told Zoe and Senne about the gay-bashing when Sander had first moved in. They’d just mentioned Sander’s bad home situation and that he was homeless and Zoe and Senne had welcomed him in with open arms.

(Milan hadn’t said anything. He hadn’t seen it as his place to interfere.)

And, now, if Senne or Zoe put the pieces together-

“Robbe,” Zoe says, and there’s a strange look in her eyes. “What didn’t  _ you _ go to the police about?”

Oh, fuck. Robbe lifts his head from Sander’s shoulder. Robbe looks to Sander, and Sander looks to Robbe, and Milan doesn’t know how this is going to all come out. (He’s not sure if he even  _ knows _ how he wants it to come out.)

Something unspoken passes between Robbe and Sander. Sander sets his plate down on the counter behind him and offers out his hand to Robbe, who repeats the same motion with his plate and takes him up the offer, entwining their fingers together. Only then does Robbe speak.

“Two weeks ago,” Robbe says, “Before Sander came to live here, we were-” His voice hitches, just like it did when he was telling Milan last week, and Milan’s heart breaks at the way that Robbe glances down at his and Sander’s hands like that contact is the one thing grounding him.

“Do you want me to…?” Sander offers, voice just a bit less fragile than Robbe’s, and Robbe swallows and nods. So Sander, broken little Sander, brave little Sander, looks up at Zoe and Senne and says: “Robbe and I, when we went on a date a couple of weeks ago, we were kissing when we came out of the bar. And a couple of assholes- they took issue with that. And, well…” The bruise is nearly gone from Sander’s face, and the cut on Robbe’s temple is nearly just a thin white scar, but Milan still swallows. He remembers the cut on Robbe’s face, the bruised boy he pulled into his arms outside of the apartment last week. He remembers the horror he’d felt for both boys.

Zoe lets out a horrified gasp, and Senne looks like he’s so pissed he’s about ready to fight and take on an entire army- both reactions of which Milan can sympathize with.

“So, when I bandaged your face, that wasn’t from a riot,” Zoe says.

“And it wasn’t from jerks from that elitist school,” Senne jumps in, and alright, Milan underestimated the number of lies that Robbe told everyone. “It was from homophobic assholes who deserve to rot in prison for the rest of their lives.”

Robbe nods, a bit braver than he was last week, and Senne continues with: “Fuck, Robbe, you  _ have _ to tell the police!”

“The police can help,” Milan agrees, conviction clear in his voice, and Robbe and Sander look like they might just agree with him. That something- or some _ one _ \- has convinced them to change their minds over the past couple of weeks.

Robbe opens his mouth, just a little, eyes going a bit wide, as he looks at Sander. As if he’s  _ this close _ to agreeing to see the police, but something’s holding just behind the line.

“Robbe,” Zoe says, “Sander. If you two go to the police- I will, too.”

Senne turns to look at her, shock in his eyes, as Robbe and Sander’s heads snap to look at her as well. “What?” Sander asks even as pride swells in Milan’s chest.

“I’ll testify against my asshole,” Zoe says, voice firm, “If you two testify against yours.”

Sander looks at Robbe, looks at Zoe, looks at Milan, looks back at Robbe, and Milan can actually see the way that his hand is shaking from across the kitchen as he says, voice shaking, "I'll do it if you want to, Robbe."

And Robbe nods, immediately. "I want to," he says, voice soft, as he leans in and kisses Sander's cheek.

"Then I'll do it," Sander says, and looks at Zoe. "We'll all do it. I'll- I'll try. For you guys. Even if I don't think that it'll work."

"It _will_ work," Milan says, voice filled with hope as much as his own conviction, because, to be honest, he can't guarantee that this will work out. But he can goddamn hope, anyway, and that'll have to be enough for his three- or four, depending how you look at it- kids.

-

Life hasn't changed much for Milan in the last couple of weeks except in the ways it really has.

He hasn’t really gone out to party since Sander moved in. He doesn’t blame the kid, of course- it’s a combination of everything. He doesn’t want to be gone if one of the kids have an emergency or needs him.

Milan makes an extra helping whenever he cooks and he buys a few extra dollars worth of groceries at the store, but it balances out because there's one extra person to help sweep the flat or do the dishes.

Robbe and Zoe go to therapy, with Sander thinking about it. All three of them go to the police with Senne and Milan there for moral support (with Robbe's friend Jens actually joining to support Robbe, though Milan never asks the backstory on that arrangement came to be), and then the six of them grab fast food.

Then they get back home and they sleep and they go to school and work the next day and, well, this is the routine that Milan has become used to. Sander, Robbe, Zoe, and Senne, these four kids, moving in and out of the flat, carving their ways across Milan's life and heart.

-

On the day of Zoe's birthday, she invites some friends over. And so do the boys. And their tiny apartment is suddenly filled with a bunch of teenagers, and Robbe, Zoe, Sander, and Senne are smiling, and Milan's work is kinda done for the moment.

Milan ends up tucked into his room by one point, content to let the kids be kids (as long as they don't commit a noise violation). He pulls out his phone, plugs in his earbuds, and starts to watch _Romeo and Juliet_ , the Baz Luhrmann version that Robbe recommended to him. He's been meaning to watch it for awhile now.

Then, not even fifteen minutes in, there's a knock at his door. Milan stands up from his bed and heads over to open it, finding Sander on the other side. "You're not going to come celebrate with Zoe?" Sander asks, voice quiet like Robbe's used to be and still is, most of the time.

Milan shakes his head. "I thought I'd let you kids celebrate with all your friends."

Sander snorts. "Aren't _you_ one of Zoe's friends? Practically family, at this point?"

Milan looks at Sander for a long moment, at the healed skin under his eye, at his easy smile, at the shirt Zoe bought him last week. He remembers the day when this boy had first shown up at his door, looking like an utter wreck. He's so proud of the recovery that Sander's made, just like he's proud of the recovery that Robbe and Zoe have made.

"If she considers me that," Milan says, "Then I'd love to call her my family." He gives Sander a smile. "You and Robbe, too."

Something shines bright in Sander's eyes as his smile softens. "Thanks," he says, probably trying to put up a brave face, but his voice cracks. "That means a lot."

And Milan, who had to go through family rejection of his own (though never to the extent of what happened to Sander), who had to carve out his own place in the world after he came out, smiles back. "I know," he says, voice soft. "And I'm all too happy to give it."

Sander lets them sit in that moment of bonding for just a second longer before switching back to the question he'd come to Milan with. "So," he says, "You wanna come celebrate? Zoe really wants you there for the cake part of things, at least."

Milan nods. "Well, I can't exactly turn down cake, can I?"

"Nope," Sander is all too happy to agree.

So then Milan steps out of his room, closing the door behind him as he follows Sander to the kitchen and the celebration.

**Author's Note:**

> Once again, I hope you all enjoyed this fic. I had a lot of fun writing it and getting all of my story ideas out. It's a bit different than the last fic, but it does accomplish a lot of character-development/plot/found family stuff, so I'm happy.
> 
> If you enjoyed, please feel free to leave a comment! They're really motivating for future writing and I really appreciate them!


End file.
